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Sunday, November 23, 2014

Happy Hallowthanksmas

According to anthropologists, this season was celebrated by North Americans of the 21st century. The three-month-long festivities ran from roughly mid-October to mid-January and honored the births of several important figures, including Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus.

The holiday incorporated many pagan rites, most notably one in which celebrants imitated pigs to appease their god Early Bird Shopper. Rituals drove away the evil spirits of boredom, loneliness and cholesterol.

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